Tragic News for all Concerned

I found out today that I have an exam on my birthday this year. And not just any exam either, it's Italian AKA the worst exam I'll ever have to take as I am officially useless at Italian despite my efforts... And that's not the worst part - no! The birthday in question will be none other than my 21st. Fantastic. Oh yes, and I neglected to mention the exam will be at 9 o'clock in. the. morning. I am the biggest night owl of all time so this just adds to the horror of the already dreadful situation. I hadn't really envisioned spending the last birthday of my youth in a smelly exam hall, attempting to understand some gibberish rather than having a fabulous time with my family and friends back home in the shire (of Kent) but no. Not this year.

Although I've always been very pleased with the positioning of my birthday (which is on the 22nd June if you're interested, feel free to send cards & presents!) as it's usually sunny and smack bang in the middle of the year (which is fabulous in that it's half way to Christmas on my birthday and half way to my birthday at Christmas. Perfect!), it's not the first time this utterly tragic situation has occurred. No, I had a physics (physics!) exam on my 16th birthday and despite the fact that physics is quite literally the worst subject known to man (or just to me, depending on your opinion), it wasn't entirely disastrous as I got taken to the Ritz for tea afterwards to make up for the horror of my morning exam.

However, this year will be different. I am at university at Warwick which is not so much in Warwick (which would natch be fairly acceptable) but far closer to the 'joys' of Coventry. And there is no Ritz in Coventry. Perhaps a Ritz hostel but definitely no Ritz hotel.

The truth of the situation isn't quite sinking in yet although I have been telling off my Mother for having me prematurely and not at a 'sensible time' - ie. two weeks later in July, when I was due and when exam season will be well and truly over.

Oh well, it's not (entirely) the end of the world. I still fully intend to dress myself up to the nines (less so for the exam hall), do an Alice in Wonderland-style 'unbirthday' at a time more convenient to those bloody scheister (sorry) examiners at the university and perhaps even write on the exam script -


'Dear Mr. Examiner,

Please try not to be too much of a scheister and fail me too badly - it's my birthday today!

Thanks dear'


What fabulous birthday plans!

Neighbours from Hell Part 298

Whilst at University, I reside in a semi-detached house and my bedroom is, unbelievably unfortunately, on the attached side of the row. Even more unfortunately, the neighbours are - probably literally - from hell.

They scream at each other all day long, hit each other with frying pans, play awful music (they played a karaoke version of 'Don't Leave Me This Way' which I'm not opposed to when the Communards do it but, otherwise, just no) at 3am and even once threatened to kill us for leaving our bin on the very edge of the pavement for about 20 minutes longer than it should have been there. Oh and that occurred at one o'clock in the morning. What utterly charming people. I'm not much good at suburban living and these bobby dazzlers just make it a hundred times worse.

I've taken to wearing ear plugs at all hours of the day. That seems to me to be a very sensible solution - although mine are hardly as glamorous as Holly Golightly's.

On a happier note, the article attached to the above picture was absolutely fascinating and certainly took my mind off the Jeremy Kyle contestants from the hovel next door.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/sep/05/breakfast-at-tiffanys-audrey-hepburn